Carrying the light: being an enthusiast versus an expert
In terms of the knowledge I love, I don’t think of myself as an expert. I think of myself as an enthusiast. Expertise feels like a mask I must wear. Enthusiasm feels like a light I can carry. It isn’t that I don’t value experts. It’s just that my identity has particular tastes.
— Jarod K. Anderson
This idea of aspiring to be an expert versus an enthusiast in a chosen field is intriguing. There’s a big emphasis on defining your niche or specialty once you enter private practice as a therapist, especially if you’re not paneled with insurance companies. Sometimes I feel imposter-ish about whether or not I’m clear enough with my niche (I launched a few months ago in October 2022). The self-doubt starts to show up like “the way the ocean gathers up the beginnings of a wave” as Brianna Madia describes in her memoir, Nowhere for Very Long. These fleeting thoughts can feel unsettling, but I’ve learned to welcome it. This is all part of the process of being human. And exactly the foundation of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). More about this and other approaches I resonate with here.
Thinking about aspiring to be an expert places expectations on me that I feel are far too great. As a recovering perfectionist and all-or-nothing thinker, this sounds exhausting and something I don’t have the capacity for anymore. Being an expert sounds like the goal is to know mostly everything about a subject. Knowing myself, said subject may become my whole identity. I understand this perspective isn’t everyone’s cup of tea (or coffee or your drink of choice) and that’s okay. I know I’m not gifted or special or all-knowing and I don't aspire to be.
Being an enthusiast sounds more freeing to me. Even saying the word aloud literally sounds lighter to me. I think about people I know who are enthusiasts. They have this energy and aura about them. They are available to life. They are kind souls. They are a breath of fresh air. Do you have anyone in your life like this? Maybe they have a beginner’s mind, a term that comes from Japanese Zen Buddhism. Think about the mind of the child… how they see everything for the first time with awe and wonder…
Many topics within the mental health space resonate with me and many are interconnected. Choosing one to “expert in” wouldn’t be honoring my values towards curiosity, openness, and flexibility. Giving myself permission to learn based on my curiosities. Allowing myself the openness to pivot if I felt called to do so. Flexibility to put the light down, turn off the light, pick up a different light, or offer the light to someone else if I wanted to.
Songs I’m loving these days
—Be slow by Harrison Storm
—Another story by The Head and the Heart
—FLOAT by Harbour
—Walk quietly by Trevor Hall
—Resin by Dustin Tebbutt
—Gone by The Head and the Heart
Books I’m reading these days
—I didn’t do the thing today by Madeleine Dore
—Love in action: Writings on nonviolent social change by Thich Nhat Hanh
—Tiny beautiful things by Cheryl Strayed
Be well and well-come it all.
~ Jen
