Stance on Stutz
I’m a licensed therapist and I watched Stutz on Netflix this past weekend. Stutz is a documentary directed by Jonah Hill about his therapist, Phil Stutz. I have to be in a certain place and space to watch shows or movies that are aligned with my work. These sorts of things are like indirect continuing education, and I kind of wish they counted because I found my mind swirling and taking notes. I also just finished Season 2 of White Lotus. Anyone who’s a relationship therapist out there… this ought to have counted for you… wow it was A LOT.
Anyways, I thought Stutz was beautiful. If you haven’t watched it and you plan to, I would stop reading here and come back.
Jonah Hill and his therapist, Phil Stutz.
The essence of the documentary and something that I really focus on as a therapist is humanness. No one is absolved of suffering. None of us are exempt from pain. Phil had lots of what he referred to as ‘tools’ in his toolbox though he had his own set of struggles too… losing a sibling as a child, feeling inadequate around women due to his relationship with his mother, a pressure to succeed as a doctor, Parkinson’s disease, etc. It’s clear that Jonah respects and admires Phil but it’s important not to put people on pedestals. Why? None of us have all the answers and we’re all figuring this shit out together.
Perfection is a fear-based mask we wear. If anyone seems like they’re perfect, I can assure you they are not and they have gotten really good at faking it. I love that Jonah opened up to Phil about lying and pretending because he didn’t want the documentary to fail. He didn’t want to let Phil down since it was a documentary about him. This act of vulnerability, especially with his level of fame, gives others permission to be vulnerable too. I think Jonah letting go of perfection and committing to these (possible) valued behaviors of honesty and vulnerability was a pivotal moment in the documentary. It was surely powerful to witness.
The bond between Jonah and Phil was as clear as day. This is what therapists would call a strong therapeutic rapport. There was sarcasm. There was humor. There were serious moments. Jonah was using Phil’s language which really shows that the work is working. He also called Phil out when he was deflecting questions about his romantic relationship and I was like YES JONAH. There was this banter between the two of them that shined through. The therapeutic relationship is just as important as whatever tool is being used. Clicking with your therapist matters so you feel safe and supported and challenged. Tools matter so you have something tangible to practice and work on between sessions. The marriage of the two gives you a sense of hope that what you’re experiencing won’t be forever.
Speaking of forever… there’s no such thing. Everything is temporary and just passing through. How does this make you feel? Really… how does this make you feel?
Jonah and Stutz had a very honest dialogue on non-attachment and loss. Love and loss are two sides of the same coin. The price of admission to experience love is to also experience pain and loss. We can’t have one without the other. If we’re attached to something, we aren’t really grounded in the present. We’re already (whether consciously or unconsciously) anticipating the loss and the hurt we will feel when it’s gone. We’re grasping and clinging to it, holding onto it like it’s a branch on a tree. Phil’s takeaway was to pursue the things you love hard AND be unafraid not to have them. To let go of the branch and surrender.
Be well and well-come it all.
~ Jen
